


If death is a melody you need a new heartbeat

by BlooBlu



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Car Accidents, Human AU, References to Drugs, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22659451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlooBlu/pseuds/BlooBlu
Summary: Soooo,,,, I'm kinda going on break? But not really?What I mean is, I'm not really going to be posting anymore just for the sake of getting content out there, but rather when I'm in the mood to write and produce content for others. If anyone wants to reccomend prompts or ships I'll gladly listen, it's just that my actual on going series rn (Falling Stars and Crime) will be updated infrequently.This is something to put out there so that ppl actually hear this announcement...
Relationships: Platonic Moxiety - Relationship
Kudos: 9





	If death is a melody you need a new heartbeat

High.

It's so… high up.

Further into the sky than he's ever been, easily. 

Then again, the company wasn't called "Hightower Skyscrapers" for nothing. Haha.

…that's not very funny.

He should - 

…he should probably do it now. He's psyching himself out, he knows it. If he doesn't jump now, he won't. Then he would have to go home, explain to his family that _haha, you know those letters I left you all? And the fact that I boxed up all my stuff already and took Sunny's hoodie out of storage again? Yeah that was all a joke my bad. What's for dinner?_

And wow, he really is. Wearing Sunny's hoodie. That's mostly why he chose to jump off a building instead of something less… terrifying. Not that this is poetic or anything, quite the opposite. Sunny also killed himself, and Virgil supposes he just doesn't want to go the same way has his cousin, because for some reason that feels offensive.

...and yet he's wearing the guy's old hoodie. Technically, it had been given to Virgil as a going away gift for University; but when he ended up dropping out he stopped really believing he could deserve anything.

It's incredibly patchwork, though you could still tell it used to be black. There were patches of purple where Sunny himself had patched it up, and now a few small orange squares where Virgil had needed to make his own repairs - all that black and purple… he grew out of his emo phase years ago. So he'd used a brighter color to make it look… more cheerful? But instead it just looked like a hobo jacket.

Whatever. He needs to get a hold of himself! He's just been leaning over the ledge for a few minutes now, staring but hardly even approaching. So he lifts a leg over the little wall separating him from death and sits on the ledge. Still looking down, just closer now.

His stomach drops at the new perspective, and his heart picks up in his chest. He can feel it in his ears and jaw, it's pounding and painful, he can _hear_ it beating.

It's not that Virgil is scared of death. He'd thought about it a lot and decided that even if the rest of eternity was just… nothing, just a complete end to his consciousness, that he would be okay with that. It's more so the actual _dying_. Would it hurt? When he lands, will he feel any of it? What if somehow he doesn't actually die, but lives the rest of his life in a coma?

…he needs to jump already. The muscles in his arm are tensed, ready to push off at any moment. His fingers are digging painfully into brick, and his mouth is dry.

"...you know, you might want to get off that ledge soon. You could fall."

Virgil jolts so hard, he digs his fingers down even more into a material not meant to be squeezed, and he feels his nails chip and break.

_"WHO THE FUck-"_

Oh. 

It's… just a person.

They've got short and curly hair, and seem bright even against the near pitch black sky. The lights from below frames their face, and reflects off of their glasses.

"My name's Patton. What's yours, kiddo?"

" 'M not a kid."

"Sure - but your name?"

"...Virgil. Why the fuck do you care? Go away."

"Because, Virgil; if I go, you're going to jump. And I really don't want that to happen."

Who the fuck just walks around roofs randomly and talks to strangers trying to kill themselves? Whoever the fuck this Patton dude is has some kinda death wish, or is very stupid.

"Like I said, why do you care? I'm nobody to you. So what if I jump, it's not like it'll be your fault."

"Virgil, I don't care if you kick puppies on the weekend or steal from kids, I'm not just going to stand by and watch someone so young make this kind of decision alone. Don't you wish there was someone you could talk to?"

"...I guess it doesn't matter. If you wanna hear my sob story or whatever, that's your M.O."

…fuck it. He can't seem to muster the courage right now, so maybe if he talks things out he'll remember why he came here and just do it already. And Patton's looking at him with such… sincerity and patience. 

"I.. I failed. At everything, basically. Flunked out of a full-ride scholarship, scared off all my friends, and lost the one thing that still mattered to me."

Virgil doesn't have more to say, so he just goes back to staring down. If he can get used to the sight, maybe he won't be as afraid of it anymore.

"...and what was that? What'd you lose?"

And Virgil almost sobs, at those words. Just thinking about it still makes him sick and makes him want to sit in a box and cry all day.

"...my boyfriend. He uh- he'd had a drug problem. I knew he did, and everytime I told him to stop, he'd just get mad and tell me he was fine… T-then he got.. got on some really- strong sh-shitt and.. wen-"

He needs to _breathe,_ goddammit. It feels like his lungs are too small, like he just can't hold in enough air at once, he takes in one breath and immediately needs to gasp in another before he suffocates.

"He went… for a dri'e... 'Idn't om bac…"

A feels a hand gently place itself over his, and it provides a very nice warmth. He.. fuck it's cold out here. How could he not notice how cold it was? He's fucking _freezing,_ , and really could use some more of that warmness. 

So he turns around, lifts one leg back over the ledge and reaches for that warmth.

And it welcomes him with open arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope to see yall soon! :D


End file.
